Man text lassen wo fehler freu mich korrektur

Kann man diesen text so lassen oder wo sind fehler drin. freu mich auf korrektur

mit climax meinte ich,dass die polizei versucht vandalismus zu beseitigen,damit es sauber bleibt und das klima/atmosphere verbessert wird. wie kann man es ausdrücken?

das soll ein vortrag werden und was gehört ins handout. da hab ich vokabeln und dass 1994 rudolph giuliani die zero tolerance eingeführt hat, die defintion davon und die überbegriffe der ziele.
und ich habe leider kein diagramm der mordraten gefunden,kann mir wer aushelfen,denn das will ich als medien benutzen. es wäre wichtig,sonst müsste ich selbst zeichnen oder wenn jemand ein programm hat, mit dem er ein diagramm machen könnte.
das sind die zahlen:
1963 - 548
1990 - 2245
2001 - 617
2004 - 572
2006 - 596
2007 - 484
2009 - 471
2010 - 532

für. ich habe für die struktur ne 1 bekommen und gesamt 2, weil meine aussprache nicht perfekt war und grammatische fehler wie did wrote und would came statt come.

New York City has been known as uncontrollable for a long time.
The typical murder in New York is the following:
A young black man shoots another black man because of rivalry.
90 % of the offenders are men; the majority is black or hispanic.
Many of the murders are results of troubles within families or circles of friends.
New York had a bad reputation on the basis of crack-dealers, gangs and the mafia.
In the areas with many young men the rate of murders is very high.
In contrast areas with European or Asian immigrants are almost safe.
hier würde ich den folgenden Satz in einen anderen abschnitt verlegen, sonst wird es zu unruhig.
In the 80ies innocent people were killed because of minor theft instead of risking a fight, the offender killed the victim.
In this time fights and thefts were not reported to the police.
In the 90ies some people became victims of the rivalry between fighting gangs.
1990 the rate of murder went up to 2´200 murders
Du solltest einen Vergleichswert einfügen.
When Rudolph Giuliani became mayor of New York City he introduced a new strategy named "Zero Tolerance Policy". This Policy is based on the idea that serious crime may be reduced by the prevention of petty crime.
Since this strategy is active more than 6´000 crime acts were avoided.
1963 the NYPD started counting the crime acts and in 2009 they achieved a rate of only 471 murder, which is a new record.
the NYPD wants to achieve the following aims:
- Getting Guns off the Streets
There are 2 Mio. illegal guns and the police investigate against gun-dealers. Everyone who carries an illegal gun and is caught gets at least a 3-year prison sentence.
If policemen saw just suspect (Frauen können auch verdächtig sein the officers are allowed to stop and control him or her.
- Curbing Youth violence in the schools and on the streets
15% students are cutting school. Therefore the school security brings these students back to school. Only the school unit consist of 5´00 police officers, which is more than all of the Washington Department. They also punish students who would come too late to their lesson.
Although the aim is that every students is on time for the lesson some - already punished - students stopped coming to school completely.
An extreme example is an 11-year-old girl who wrote on her school desk. The school director called the police immediately and they arrested her. Because she did not wrote any threat or insult they let her go.
- Driving Drug Dealers out of YC
Policemen are allowed to confiscate cash or cars of small dealers. And special units are sent to the drug scene.
- Breaking the Cyde of Domestic Violence
In every district is a housing-officer. The neighbourhood can report their ovservations or suspicions to their officer. If a housing-officer got many reports he has to fill in a form and then more units will be sent.
- Reclaiming the Public in NYC
People who do games of chance on the street and street dealers are arrested immediately. Policemen confiscate ghettoblasters and every source of disturbance.
Even a broken window pane counts as vandalism like graffiti and has to be reported to the police. Drunkenness and begging in the streets are forbidden because of the try to improve the climax.
It is also forbidden to attack a busdriver, otherwise you can go to prison for 7 years.

mit climax meinte ich,dass die polizei versucht vandalismus zu beseitigen,damit es sauber bleibt und das klima/atmosphere verbessert wird. wie kann man es ausdrücken?
Police try to abolish vandalism so that the neighborhood stays clean and the general quality of life increase.

Das Diagramm kannst du dir selbst in Excel machen! Da gibt es einen Diagrammassistenten! Und dann kannst du auch sagen, dass du es selbst gemacht hast

>nachdem mayor of nyc:
2001 the rate fell already to 614.
wieso "would" came too late?
heißt es nicht observations.
Ansonsten herzlichen herzlichen Dank

observations is correct
would come natürlich
2001 the rate already fell to 614 incidents in this year.

kennst du dich denn mit excel aus?ich kenn mich da weniger als wenig aus. kannst du mir vllt auch hierbei helfen. also ich scheine ja excel doch programmiert zu haben

For a long time New York City was known as uncontrollable.
The typical murder in New York is the following:
A young black man shoots another black man because of rivalry.
90 % of the offenders are men; the majority is black or hispanic.
Many of the murders are results of troubles in families in circles of friends.
New York had a bad reputation on the basis of crack-dealers, gangs and the mafia.
In the areas with many young men the rate of murders is very high.
However/In contrast in the areas with European or Asian immigrants are almost safe.
In the 80s innocent people were killed because of robbery with murder.
In this time fights and thefts were not reported to the police.
In the 90s some people became victims of the rivalry between fighting gangs.
1990 the rate rose to 2200 murders.
Only when Rudolph Giuliani became mayor of New York City he introduced a new strategy named Zero Tolerance Policy. It is based on the idea, that serious crime may be reduced by the prevention of petty crime.
Since this strategy is active more than 6´000 crime acts were avoided.
1963 the NYPD started counting the crime acts and 2009 they achieved a rate of 471 murders, which is a new record.
The following aims the NYPD want to achieve:
- Getting Guns off the Streets
There are 2 Mio. illegal guns and the police investigate against gun-dealers. Everyone who carries an illegal gun and gets caught gets at least a 3-year prison sentence.
If policemen saw just a suspicious man they are allowed to go through and control him.
- Curbing Youth violence in the schools and on the streets
15% students are cutting school. Therefore the school security brings these students back to school. Only the school unit consist of 5´00 police officers, which is more than the whole Washington Department. They also punish students who came too late to their lesson.
Although they want students to come on time?some punished students do not come at all to school any more?(irgendwie wäre das ein neuer satz oder man setzt "but" ein).
An extreme example is an 11-year-old girl who wrote on her school desk. The school director called immediately the police and they arrested her. Because she did not wrote any threatening or insulting they let her go.
- Driving Drug Dealers out of YC
Policemen are allowed to confiscate cash or cars of small dealers. And special units are sent to the drug scene.
- Breaking the Cyde of Domestic Violence
In every district is a housing-officer. The neighbourhood can report their suspicions to the officer. If a housing-officer gets many reports he has to write a form and so more units will be sent to that place.
- Reclaiming the Public in NYC
People who do games of chance on the street and street dealers are arrested immediately. Policemen confiscate ghettoblasters and every kind of disturbance.
Just a broken window pane count as vandalism like graffiti and has to be reported to the police. Drunkenness and begging on the streets are forbidden because of the trial to improve the climax.
It is also forbidden to attack a busdriver, otherwise it's possible that you'll have to go for seven years to prison.
Eigentlich fast keine grammatikalischen Fehler, jedoch solltest du stilistisch etwas machen, da es sich halt blöd anhört, wenn man drei Sätze hintereinander mit "In" anfängt. Manches war mir unklar auch z.B. das mit dem climax.um den Höhepunkt zu verbessern. Naja sonst eigentlich gut meiner Meinung nach, aber manches hört sich halt echt blöd an.

welches hattets du jetzt eigentlich verändert. ich weiß,mein stil ist schlecht. wie würdest du es umschreiben?